Parody/satire of Pet Semetary, copyright of Stephen King. This story is for non-profit purposes of private entertainment only.

Pet Seminary

Mac O'Roni

     Don’t let your children play near the old pet seminary, Hudson Fandel had told him, and keep your animals well away.
     If only he had listened…

     It was just a building, old and abandoned but not dangerous, not condemned. How could he have been expected to believe the old timer’s stories of the crazy man who had built it, of the pets that went in and came out changed in horrible, fundamental ways. He could see not letting Nellie and Cage play in the junk-strewn jungle of weeds that sprouted all around the place, but why should he have worried about the family cat, Disraeli? Dizzy was a big tom, and he could take care of himself.
     The cat disappeared frequently, but was never gone more than one night. Until one day he sauntered out the door and they didn’t see hide nor hair of him for a solid week.
     Nellie wept and begged him to go out looking for the cat and he relented, hoping he wouldn’t find what he half expected to find: Dizzy, dead by the side of the highway. How could he explain that to Nellie? She adored that rotten furball.
     A search of the local ditches turned up nothing, so he decided to direct his attention to the woods around the house, now thinking about traps the cat might have been unlucky enough to stumble into. He called the cat’s name, not really expecting any reply, even if the animal should be around to hear him. Unaware he was drawing near, he came suddenly upon the ominous wreck of the pet seminary.
     Disraeli was sitting placidly upon the doorstep, licking his glossy black paws. Insanely, the cat appeared to be wearing a white clerical collar around his neck. The cat looked up at him, and he screamed in terror at the realization of what had happened.
     “God be with you, my son,” the cat said calmly.